undefinable.

it was a success to them, a funtastic night.
with talented amcees,
with passionate performers,
with delirious facilitators,
with ardent audiences...

but behind that night, is every thing as sweet as candy?

halfway my test, a reputative person came and saw me.
asked for certain materials.
i wasn't sure if i could give, reconfirmed with my teacher.
and there were rules stipulated in the buku panduan which restricted us.
it wasn't that we didn't want to help,
but there were rules to follow,
consequences to bare.

still, we gave an option, thought that it was an emergency.
but it wasn't very much appreciated...

was taken aback, when got shouted, 'BU YONG!'
i moved a few steps backwards,
SHOCKED...

i thought,
she has great self-control
i thought,
she would appreciate.

but i didn't blame her,
i know she was under immense stress.

but it gave me an impact,
didn't recover until the last second of exam.

it wasn't anger, but shock
i understand her situation,
i might get temperemental also if i were her.
so i told myself,
although i seldom get scolded, but just take this as an exception.
learn to understand, learn to empathize.
learn to take it easy.

SHOCKED.

friday,
another her apologized for that issue.
i was happy,
at least i know i didn't get scolded because i was wrong.
i was innocent.
every thing got compensated.
i had nothing to be bothered anymore.
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it was a success,
i was happy for them.
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received a message early in the morning.
the message sounded rather impertinent.
i wasn't happy...

it was the usage of words which made me felt funny...
it could have been rephrased to sound nicer, more sincere...

i wasn't happy...
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i have tried to give as much support as i could.
no point listing the supports here,
but i wished them the best.

treated funnily for once,
i was ready to forget.

but twice,
it crossed the line..

she apologized.
no question on her sincerity,
i felt that.

but couldn't forgive just then.
i ain't that capable.

不是不要原谅，选择原谅，但力不从心

hmm,
tomorrow,
i will forget and forgive.

to you,
maybe if we talk together face-to-face, i would feel better. haha.

That day,
in my notebook, i noted:
Words Kill, Speak Smart, Listen Smart.

if there is a switch which controls forgiveness, there and then, i would let go.

TOMORROW,
I WILL LET GO.

aunchian